well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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