Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
