I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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