Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
