If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
