If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
