just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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