why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
