We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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