so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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