apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
its not stalking. its research.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
