Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
