Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
