Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
