He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
