does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
