you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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