woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
