Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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