as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We have started to decorate penises.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
