maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
