Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
