I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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