just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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