I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
