a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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