I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
