Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
