His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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