And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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