I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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