I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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