She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
