she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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