it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
