dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
