so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
