I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We talked him into tasing himself.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
