Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
