Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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