3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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