Please, let me fuck your mom
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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