I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
