Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
