Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
