Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
