I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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