Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
