i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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