3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
