I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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