Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
