textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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