God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
