The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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