The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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