What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
