Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
