I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
