Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
