Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
