Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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