Pants 0. Shit 1.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
