I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
