I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think my vagina is haunted
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize