Having a random hookup so left but love u
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
