You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
