Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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