Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize