I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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