Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
