Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
