The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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