You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
