I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
