BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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