paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
