It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
