direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
