She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
